(This is a very personal post…you might want to take a moment and pray before diving in. Callie)
adjective: 1) of or going to the root or origin; 2) thorough going or extreme; 3) forming a basis or foundation; existing inherently (existing in someone or something as a permanent or inseparable element) in a thing or a person
noun: a person who holds or follows strong convictions or extreme principles
noun: 1) the state or quality of being obedient; 2) the act of obeying; dutiful or submissive compliance 3) a sphere of authority or jurisdiction, especially ecclesiastical (of or pertaining to the church)
So….Radical Obedience to me means: becoming a woman that is extreme in being obedient, permanent and inseparable from God.
A direct punch to the gut right there.
This week has had many ups and downs for me. I went from being so on fire with this Bible study to stagnant and floundering like a fish. I gotta be honest here mama, I felt the devil beating on my door this week. He knows I am serious about this and he is not a happy camper. I have felt the tug, the taps on the shoulder, the whispers in my ear and yet, I still have taken the time to spend time with the Lord. I have fought sleepiness and not wanting to get up…I have fought finding the time…I have fought a battle over cleaning versus time with the Lord…I have fought at every corner and doorway.
I have fussed at my kids…I have hollered and howled…I have denied my husband (ugh…that one hurts) and I have denied my God.
Taking the time to really dig deep for this post has been a real struggle. But…here I am (Lord!!…send me!)
I read chapters 2 & 3 earlier in the week and I was immediately in denial. I know, that probably isn’t where you were but this Radical Obedience has been on my mind from the first moment.
Do you realize how many “things” I need to give up? Do you know that part of me wants to cry because I feel that these “things” are tied up to tightly and so very closely to who I am….or who I thought I was.
I’m gonna lay it out there mama…
I read a lot. I mean really…I can bust though a book (eBook or real paper book) in about 2-3 hours. Yeah, I know, seems crazy but it is so true. I LOVE to read…but I have be shown that the time I spend reading is not on the things I should be reading. I am a science-fiction nut! My mama read the books, watched the TV shows and that is essentially what I grew up on and found a love for it at an early age…oh yeah…and of course, romance books. In my later years I found that you could combine these two favorites of mine and a new love was born. Science-fiction romance…or paranormal romance.
I love vampires.
I love werewolves.
I love walking a fine line with witchery.
I love walking a fine line with demonology.
Oh my mama, this is way harder than I thought it would be….bear with me as the Lord shows me just how far I have fallen and convinced myself that I was, “just fine”…
I love love stories.
I love romance.
I love emotionally filled stories.
I love sex…and reading about it.
I love over the top, way to personal intimate time with someone else.
I love reading and being a part of someone else’s personal time.
I love how reading about all of this makes me feel.
This love has been transferred to screen time too…
I have convinced myself that watching my favorite loves was no more a sin than by reading about it. But the more I watched and loved how it made me feel, I wanted more…kind of like a junkie needing their next fix. Addicted…that’s where it seems to me that I have been.
Holy Spirit…please help me write this out correctly.
I have been a poor example of a Christian woman…my children have seen me reading, know about my watching certain movies and TV shows. My husband just laughs at my “loves”…I had no idea the image I was portraying to him, until this very moment. What an outright hypocrite I have been, what a poor example of Christ I have been to someone that is still floundering. Oh my…
I have gone down a path that has slowly led me so very far from my God. I am so embarrassed to even share this…but I feel like someone really needs this, other than myself. Lord, help me to be more Radical and Obedient, right now in Jesus’ name, I call upon you to make this heart pure again and to hold me up as I turn and head in the other direction!
I can continue to blame it on my mama, peer influences, “the devil made me do it” or whatever untruth I want to tell. But the honest truth is just this…I willingly and knowingly choose to button up the tugging of my spirit, binding it tightly so that I no longer had to listen and feel so guilty. I have to stand before you, via this big world wide internet and confess just how far from the God I love I have become.
But I won’t do that…I won’t let the devil have me any longer! Am I in for a fight, you better believe it!
This Bible study has me peeling back the layers of what I know as my life. Taking each one and revealing to me just how far away I have fallen and that my God calls me, sweetly enticing me to draw closer to Him. To let each of these sins fall by the way side and to jump back on the wagon of faithfulness. Part of this weeks study wanted me to write out how living godlessly and being indulgent adds or takes away from my life…I am floored that I ended up writing that this type of life steals my happiness and joy. Steals…takes away from me something that I feel is very valuable. What does this way of life add…my being grumpy, snappy, disorganized, slothful and an unwillingness to do as God has asked me to do. Ouch. That too hurts…a lot. What would I continue down a path that makes me a miserable mess when I can chase after something much amazing?!
I know that the love story now that I need to be latching onto is the love story written by God.
That my Radical Obedience is for me to turn tail and run as fast as I can back into the arms of the one that loves me the most.
My Radical Obedience is to remove these offending books, movies and TV shows that do not reflect the one true and perfect love.
Yep…I will sell, give away, trash, under whatever means I need to, these books and movies that do not reflect my God.
Is this something that will take me a while…probably. But only because there is so much to get rid of, not because I choose to hold on to them any longer.
I feel set free. I feel like I can breath again. I feel like a new creation.
If this is something that you feel too…pray now.
Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you right now feeling clothed in shame. I feel so far from you as I realize now that I have been convincing myself that I know better than You. I ask Lord that you help free me from my sins against You. I ask that you cleanse this heart of mine Lord. Renew me, fill me with your love to fill this hole in my heart. I want to fell this one and true love only with you Lord. I long to have your arms wrapped around me to protect me from the temptations of this world. I seek you in every avenue of my life. Thank you for loving me, thank you for forgiving me Jesus. In your name, in Jesus’ name I pray, AMEN.
John 15:10 If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love.
Titus 2:11-12 For the grace of the God that brings salvation has appeared to all men [and women], teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously and godly in the present age.
Isaiah 43:4 (NIV) You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you.
Nehemiah 8:10 The joy of the Lord is your strength.