You know how sometimes the Lord works behind the scenes? How it never fails that an issue that you thought was easing up a bit comes back full force?
For me, lately, it has been the fact (again) that I am too hard and harsh. Yep, both of those lovely descriptive words.
I am once again back in front of the word and meaning and Bible verses about –
First the Bible verses that I have written down (and have so not read lately).
Psalm 18:35 Thou has given me the shield of salvation: and thy right hand holds me up, thy gentleness has made me great.
2 Samuel 22:36 Thous has given me the shield of salvation: and thy gentleness has made me great.
It all comes back to me.
I could blame my mom and say it is all her fault. She had a hard life and it made her hard. It made it difficult for her to show her kindness sometimes and her lovely nature. I could say it was because my daddy made life even harder for her and she had to buck up and be both the mom and the daddy. I could….BUT I won’t.
I know that early life (childhood) is very easily influenced by life and situations. I know because when it become obvious that I was heading into parenthood, I read every single book, magazine and website I could to understand about being a parent. I know that children often left to their own devices and with no strong parental influence they become wayward and sometimes, even lost. Not lost as in kidnapped (which does sometimes happen because of lack of parental influence) but lost as in simply not knowing who/what/where they need to be. This is far too often the outcome of a child lacking parental influence. Which bring me back to my original point…It all comes back to me and my behavior.
My God blessed me with three of the most beautiful, precious, intelligent and well behaved children anyone could ever have asked for. But for some reason my human nature peeks its head out more than I really care to admit and I end up leaving a huge mess in my life and my children’s. I need more gentleness.
It all comes back to the reading I did when I was a younger mama. I put too much stock into what those parenting magazines and books said and totally forgot that I should be reading The Good Book. I forgot because it was never something I saw growing up. I do not remember ever seeing my mom with a Bible, except for in church. Her’s was a Bible that was in pristine condition. One that was never really marked in, and now I understand, never really studied. And that’s okay. I mean it…that’s okay. Because I now understand the importance of my kids seeing me with my Bible open, written in, highlighted in and much worn. Yes, it is possible to learn new habits even though the influence wan’t there as a child.
Again, back to the reading. I put to much heart into what the world thought about being a parent and forgot that our heavenly Father wrote the original parenting book. I was led down the path that the world wanted me to go on and I failed see how that would influence my little ones at the time. Oooooh, how I regret the reading I did with those silly books and magazines! How I would love a redo….I would love to go back to my younger self and share all of the knowledge I have now with that young girl who still though she knew everything. Oh my….you silly girl!
This mama now knows so much more about being the type of mama that God wants me to be. Gentle, kind, loving, soft spoken, an encourager, a prayer warrior, a force to be reckoned with because I call on God. Ultimately it is all okay. Because my children now see me in the Bible, not just speaking about the Bible. I am able to quote the scripture better (I still have so, so much to learn though) and I know the words in my heart more, therefore I can apply it better.
Gentleness is one that I come back to the most. Yes, outside influences cause changes in lives. But Christ can make it all right again. Life a new slate, a yard full of clean and white fallen snow…He Can Cause Miracles to happen. Yep…even miracles as tiny as filling me up with more gentleness. Gentleness that I know is so important for my kids and their lives. Gentleness that I apparently have only through God, my lovely father.
I still need to hug more.
I still need to snuggle more.
I still need to speak more softly.
I still need to be more understanding.
I still need to be more of the gentle encourager.
I still need my God.
All day. Every day.
Because my kids need a better and more gentle me.
In His Grace.
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