How Pride Can Tear Apart Your Marriage

There is this little voice in my head that is extremely LOUD some days.

This is the voice that says things like:

“I am under appreciated.”

Because I do so much around here and no one even bothers to notice. I homeschool, I am raising up the future generation, I am the one that deals with the every day mess we call life.

“I do more than is asked of me.”

I serve others; I cook, I clean, I teach, I help at church, I drop off, I pick up, I grocery shop, I (fill in the blank)…

“When do I get a moment to do some thing for me?”

All I would love to do is sit and read a good book. Or maybe have a day of shopping without interruption. A quiet day full of no one needing me. That is what I deserve.

This voice….well, this voice is trying to convince me (and ultimately you) that you require to be noticed for all that you do.

Well, that voice is lying. That voice is pride. And according to the Bible, this thing called pride…it isn’t a good thing.

Proverbs 13:10 – By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised is wisdom.

Proverbs 16:18-19 – Pride goeth before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, Than to divide the spoil with the proud.

Proverbs 29:23 – A man’s (woman’s) pride will bring him (her) low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.

So you are probably asking how pride can tear apart marriages…just like this:

When I grumble about what type of day I have had to my husband, my prideful, ungrateful, and very ungodly side shows up in my marriage. My selfish pride comes into play when I even insinuate that I am under appreciated. This is turn causes my husband to think that I am completely unhappy in life in general, therefore making him think that I am unhappy with him, that in turn causes him to think less of himself as a provider, which ultimately says that I think less of him and that I have no respect for him as a man.

In one blindingly quick moment I have allowed my pride to come into play and as some would say, I opened a can of worms.

This isn’t even related some would say. How is having some pride a bad thing?!

I believe that pride and self-esteem or even self-worth have gotten a bit mixed up over the years.

Self-worth and self-esteem are not the same thing as pride.

Pride according to Dictionary.com says this: 1. a high or inordinate (excessive) opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc. 2. the state or feeling of being proud. 3. a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one’s position or character; self-respect; self-esteem.

It would appear that in today’s world, self-esteem (which is defined as: 1. a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect. 2. an inordinately or exaggeratedly favorable impression of oneself.) and self-respect (which is defined as: proper esteem or regard for the dignity of one’s character.) are appropriate terms you can use in exchange for pride. I do not believe that to be true.

It would prove then that my right to “feel” some pride would constitute my dignity, my importance, my merit, or my superiority, therefore making my display of pride okay.

But not according to the Bible.

Dignity according to the Bible: Ecclesiastes 10:6 – Folly (state of being foolish) is set in great dignity…

Importance doesn’t even show up any where that I can find…

Merit doesn’t show up either that I can find, but worth does, which is used as partial definition of merit: Proverbs 10:20 – The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, The heart of the wicked is worth little.

Superiority isn’t listed either but it would seem that this word speaks for itself. Superiority as defined: the quality or condition of being superior. And breaking this down a bit further;

Superior as defined: 1. higher in station, rank, degree, importance, etc. 2. above the average in excellence, merit, intelligence, etc. 3. of higher grade or quality 4. greater in quantity or amount 5. showing a consciousness or feeling of being better than or above others 6. not yielding or susceptible (usually followed by to) 7. higher in place or position

By inserting these actions into my marriage, I am putting on airs about me being “better” than my husband. How in the world can I show him I respect him, if I am being prideful?

It won’t happen. I wrote not so long about ways I show my husband I respect him, and I believe that by allowing myself to be full of pride (as the Bible states), that I am opening up our marriage to trouble.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I know for hard fact that marriages have troubles but I also know that the husband and wife bring a lot to the table too. Each is responsible for how they act and react to issues that may arise.

I have days that are incredibly hard. This mama thing, well, it is really, really hard. And then I add in so many other things and well…it is really hard to be me some days.

But that doesn’t mean I get to “dump” my stuff on my husband as soon as he walks in the door. It does mean that at the end of my day, I can go the the cross and dump my stuff at the feet of the One that Loves Me So Much He Died for Me.

1 Peter 5:7 says, “casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

He cares for me. So does my husband, he also provides and much more, but ultimately, my Heavenly Father is the one that can handle my stuff; my prideful nature; my grumps because I need a few minutes of quiet; my worries; my insecurities.

So instead of letting that little voice even get the best of me, I need to remember that if I chose to let my pride come into my marriage, I am stirring up trouble or contention…and we all know how that plays out in marriages too –

Proverbs 21:19 – It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.

Proverbs 27:15 – A continual dripping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

One last thing, just remember, the devil will shove his foot in the door without a single moment of hesitation. He hates marriages because he hates God. Marriages are made by God and they are good. So keep praying through your days, dump your stuff throughout the day at the cross, smile more, laugh more, and welcome your husband home with delight instead of some foolish pride.

In His Grace.

Callie

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