When Homeschooling is Sucking the Life Out of You

This is overwhelmingly hard to admit, but some days homeschooling leaves me weary, beaten, and bruised. And it feels like it is sucking the life clean out of me.

I go to bed exhausted from the many emotions that are tossed around during the school hours. Due to the fact, I’m sure, that I have one teenage boy, one pre-teen girl, and one little boy that just wants to play all day.

Lately I have been fraught with dread though that I am not doing enough to educate my children. That I am failing as a homeschool mama.

Personally, failure and I are STILL on a hard road together. I cannot seem to shake the feeling that I will never measure up to my own opinion of myself, but that is for another post.

I have conflicting temperaments that God bestowed upon me . . . perfectionism and procrastination. Daily the battle rages in my head and heart that “these children will never be as smart as you want because you do not do enough for their schooling” as well as, ” Aah shoot, just play one more hand of cards with him, he will read when he is ready!”

It is extremely difficult to find a happy balance between these two parts of me. I have come to realize that being this way is God’s way of guaranteeing that I lean on Him for every moment and decision that I must make in this life.

Even so, homeschooling is absolutely not for the faint at heart and some days (or weeks even) can be laden with hard emotions and tantrums. Some times it is my kids, and yes, admittedly, some times the tantrums are my own. Seriously. This homeschool thing is big and often heavy. Most days even bigger than I can bear alone. I am grateful for my husband when the homeschool day has gone to pot (in my opinion), because he still, even to this day, stands behind the fact that our children are much better off being home with us. (Gee whiz, what a great guy!)

As for sucking the life out of me, so far it seems that just taking a break does me the most good. A quiet break form the kids and the overwhelming pressure to succeed as a homeschool mama. The world, or even by my own doing, places a large goal in front of me that I fear I cannot achieve.

How will these young people ever be successful in life?

Will what they have been taught be “enough”?

Can I push harder and demand more – would that be the final trick?

All of these haunting questions swirl around in my head at night as I try my utmost to fall asleep. As I seek God in my utter failings as a mama and a homeschooler, I always feel the sweetest peace fall over my spirit and I am filled with thoughts like these:

“Did you spend time nurturing his heart today? Yes.”

“You corrected the inappropriate behavior with her today. And you continue to work on her heart. That is what I ask of you.”

“Did you love them today? Yes, mama, you did.”

“Did you share My Son with them today? Yes.”

“Are they firm in their belief that I Love them and would do anything for them? Yes, mama, I believe that they are.”

“Tomorrow is another day sweet daughter, tomorrow I will give you the strength and encouragement to do it all again.”

These peaceful thoughts from The One that sees my heart, and not just the temperaments me gave me, settles my heart every single time.

Homeschooling may be sucking the life out of me during the day, some days, but when the night falls and I am able to lay this big, heavy homeschooling load at His feet, He picks up the mess, brushes me off, and settles His indescribable peace over me.

And with a gentle reminder He says, “You shall reap what you sow. You are planting now with the harvest in mind. Lead them to Me, and Trust in Me, and I will direct you every day.”

Be encouraged mama. This homeschool thing may be hard, wearying, and on certain days long but the end result is what we seek to harvest. The Lord does not always call the strongest, He sometimes calls the weak to complete the mightiest jobs. And today, I feel weak, so weary of this homeschool life but I know that I serve a God that is stronger than I am and that He always comes when I call.

Take heart mama. I know that you too yearn to hear, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant.” And it will come to pass, as long as we keep on the track He has called us to travel. Lean in mama, hard if you must, He will carry you (and me) through the days that this homeschool life is too hard, and it feels down right awful.

He loves us.

He is ever faithful.

In His Grace.

Callie