Sex is all good…as long as it is with your spouse.
I know that this may be a bit different post than normal for some people but it is pressing on my heart a lot lately. Maybe due to the fact that some things have recently come to light in my own life. I’m not quite sure, possibly the Lord telling me to write, but I’m not usually one to claim that either…whatever the reason, here it goes.
Through all of creation it seems that so many things all come back to sex.
{Yep, you read that correctly. I said sex. And I have a few things to say about it too.}
I know, you probably can’t think of one instance, so here are a few.
- Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19)
- Samson and Delilah (Judges 16)
- David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11)
- Song of Solomon (The whole book is full of it)
There are numerous other stories throughout history that say sex was the reason for cities fallen, wars fought and won and lives created and lost.
Most of the stories though are reminders of the things that can go wrong because of the flippant attitude in regards to sex.
According to the Bible, there is nothing wrong with this timeless act. As long as you are spending this quality time with the one God has ordained.
You know, your husband (or for you guys, your wife).
It bears noting that some married couples never have any issue with making the time or making the effort to keep the bed warm during their marriage. But on the flip side, there are some couples that struggle with maintaining a healthy attitude about it.
I will be the first to admit, it hasn’t always been rosy at my house. And there was a season that was down right horrible not so long ago. I mean, really, really horrible. And the worst thing about this really horrible time…I really, unbearably, truly missed my husband. I am without a doubt a sexual being.
Weird, yeah, I know it sounds a little weird.
But God created us in His image, He ordained that we “be fruitful and multiply” and wonder of wonders, he made that process enjoyable! Not some tedious task that we as humans had to bear. But, self doubt and uncertainty created a teeny tiny sliver in my mind.
And without even realizing I had done so, the devil creeped in (1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour.”) and began to change that teeny tiny sliver into a giant chasm. A chasm so deep, wide and completely full of despair, self-loathing, imagined hurt, disgust, self pity, disdain and fear that I knew I would never be able to climb out without help.
It took me breaking down in front of a woman friend and telling her what was going on. I cringe to admit that this season was well into 6 months of misery for my husband and I.
Six months of absolutely no one on one time with the love of my life. My bed was no longer a warm and loving place to be.
Six months of terror gripping my heart on the chance that he might ask me One.More.Time to reveal myself to him.
Six months of the guilt crushing me because I was again denying my love his one true need as a man.
Six months of nasty words being thrown around because of the non-intimate moments being shared.
Six months of wet pillow cases at bedtime because I was so miserable.
Thank goodness for friends that do not judge. As I spilled my heart out she couldn’t believe I could withhold our intimate time from my husband. I shook my head in despair, thinking, she has no idea what I have been going through. Then she said, it has to be at least once a week or my husband is an absolute bear.
Do it anyway, your marriage will thank you for it…and so will he. Yeah, well…that was easier said than done.
But the Lord knew my heart and He heard my silent cry. Within days I was blessed to come upon a book, given freely by a stranger no less, called Created to be his Help Meet by Debi Pearl.
I reached out to God and He freely poured out His love through this book. I felt like I was drowning and this was my lifeboat. I stepped out from under my fear and with prayer made a point of showing how much I had truly missed my husband.
It felt like the first time again. I was nervous, embarrassed because I wasn’t this hottie from way back when, queasy that he wouldn’t be as interested as I hoped and worse, that he might turn down my advances, like I had done so many times before. But with prayer and diligence, our one on one time has been better than that horrible time.
The more I read, the more I prayed, the more God loving showed me. The way I am created isn’t a bad thing. Liking the intimate times with my husband isn’t wrong.
Being a pursuer of my love is okay, normal, loving and ultimately a good thing.
The best part? The part that floors me the most? By learning all of these things about being a Help Meet, I learned a ton about my husband! In return, that made my decision to step out of my comfort zone and be a passionate pursuer of my love not so terrifying.
He loves me, regardless that I am not that hot 23 year old he first met. His love for me gives him a special set of blinders I believe, which is a total God thing!
This man of yours, God made him to be intimate with you.
There isn’t something wrong with him because he simply cannot get enough of you. It is because by being intimate with you, he feels more connected to you.
As you and I need the lovely dovey, gooey words and romance, this man of yours needs some good ole sex.
God made him to seek out his woman to relieve his stress, to make him feel like “a man”, to prove his worth, to become one with you.
Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
He is broken and only half a man, he needs you to be whole and complete. As Dorothy in Jerry Maguire says, “You complete me.”{…Yep, threw in that movie quote along with a Bible verse}.
Also, this man of yours has more confidence if he is able to spend some quality one on one time with you. This God created intimate time binds husbands and wives together, making it harder for the devil to slip in and create havoc.
Matthew 19:6 says, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”.
Jesus was talking about divorce in this passage but it goes to show also, that if you are married, and happily married at that, no one should be able to come between you. You are bound together, you are joined together, you are as one flesh, 2 pieces of the same body.
I guess what I am getting at in this long and rambling post is this:
Be intentional. Seek out your man. Show him you really, really like him.
Start slow if you need. But be intentional. Hugs and deep kisses can ignite fires you thought were long gone.
If it was there once, which we all know it was, it can be rekindled again, I promise.
I am a prime example that this can be done.
The following is from Day 24 of the Wife After God devotional I did a while back with Unveiled Wife.
Day 24 : Unveiled Wife My husband and I are one flesh, one body, one marriage #WifeAfterGod One is no less important than the other. One is no more important than the other. All parts of the union are important and needed. God made no mistake when He created marriage, no more than when He created flesh. Each creation is whole and complete; each part working in perfect union; each reflecting the beauty of God. Sing praises today and rejoice for He is a Holy Father that loves us and wants for us to shine for Him. In our marriages, in our daily walk with Him. Many #blessings today as you march toward tomorrow.
Be intentional today…this morning…this afternoon…or this evening…but seek him out and show him in the softest and gentlest way, that you like him and love him.
He’ll thank you for it.
Many blessings to you today.
In His Grace.
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Callie Domingues says
Awe, thanks Erin. I’m glad you stopped by to read it!
Erin says
You left me in tears! Thank you for a beautiful post!